Mr Beans

I'm not sure exactly what happened to our Bailey either as a puppy or in his past life, but it was something. Because he reacts very strongly (ducking, obsessively licking and quaking in his imaginary puppy boots) to a few certain things.
The best I can figure:
In the past life: He was attacked by naked hippies waving plastic bags in protest. Some were obviously using bottles of lotion to squirt him while others were ringing doorbells. This of course was all happening during a horrendous thunderstorm.
Or in this life: When Kev and I were walking him as a puppy and sneaking him in and out of our "No Dogs allowed apartment" in grocery bags (kev) or by purse (me) which obviously contained a bottle of lotion that made a squirting noise, it was storming and we had to ring the buzzer to get let back in. And I'm just not pretty naked.

Sporty Spice

For the most part, pony tails are my "slacker" style. It means I didn't make much of an effort that morning. That said. Expect to see them a lot from me on weekdays.
Lice* has been RAMPID this year. I feel so creepy crawly at just the mention of that word. Much like when you hear the word wood tick (in season) you feel the need to do a full body check. Lice make me itch. Considering I have dry skin I itch enough to begin with and then the word lice just makes me paranoid.
What I am NOT is judgmental. I know that the L-word can happen to good people and even the cleanest of families. After all my wicked step mom and my evil half sister [not really evil but it fits with the idea in my head that I'm a princess named Cinderella] had a scare a long time ago...and if you know my wicked step mom you know there is NOONE cleaner then her. {Let me tell you considering her one true love is cleaning; she was NOT a fan of the cleaning involved with this--my sister 10 years later is still terrified of sharing her hair brush with even me! but thats another story}. So if the L word has happened to you, I am sorry and I feel for you and I still love you, just don't touch my hat!
So if you see me in the near future sporting a pony....its not that I'm lazy. Well it could be. But don't assume. Give me the benefit of the doubt. I'm just paranoid!
*I bet your all itchy now too! Eh? Now who's paranoid?!

My Wee Man is a HANDFUL

Remembering back, I can't really remember meeting Caden. I saw him and touched his cheek but didnt really even get a good look at him. When the time came to leave recovery I was excited to hold him, it didnt occur to me it was taking longer then it should. And then out of left field his doctor comes in to inform me he will be going to Children's Hospital in St. Paul. Talk about catching me a little off guard!!!! I didnt like that surprise one bit.

Today, at his 4 month appointment I was caught off guard again. I knew he had a "dimple" which can be a marker for Spinal Bifida, but I did NOT know it was an open dimple or that they considered him to HAVE it. I guess in my research back when Izze was born, I found out that 24% of the population has some form of spinal defect but becasue it does not affect them, its not a problem.

Then I realize that the bump we have been worried about on his back is TIED to this. It could possibly be "spinal fluid" leaking and causing swelling. But since he moves his legs, we should not worry. Since his nerves are not exposed, there isnt a problem.

As a mother, THAT is hard to hear.

And I did the worst thing you can do. I googled it:

Spina bifida manifesta is the rare form of this birth defect. It can be separated into two classes, meningocele and myelomeningocele.
In meningocele, fluid leaks out of the spinal canal, causing a swollen area over the baby's spine. In many cases, meningocele causes no symptoms.

What causes spina bifida?
Doctors do not know the exact cause of spina bifida but believe that both genetic and environmental factors are involved. Women who have had one child with spina bifida are more likely to have another child with spina bifida. Other factors that may increase the risk for having a baby with spina bifida include:

• Having folic acid deficiency
• Taking certain medicines, such as some used to treat epilepsy or acne.
• Excessive use of alcohol.
• Exposure to certain chemicals.
• Exposure to high temperatures.
• Having diabetes
• Being obese.

All of those things while pregnant. Can you say GUILT. I was horrible at pre-natals (folic acid), the alcohol--other during conception wasnt an issue, high temperatures--tanning about 3 times a week for the first 8 weeks of pregnancy?, obese--well, technically I wasnt anymore. But still....the GUILT is eating me

Orange...

Izze's favorite color

My shirt today

Yummy citrus fruit

Pumpkins

Danger Zones

Slow Moving Vehicles

Hunters

and of course...

CADEN

The little stinker has been readmitted to the local hospital for jaundice. I've always pictured jaundice as yellow/green babies, but out little boy is tan....an orange to be exact.

Its all mommy can do not to lose it. I know there are far worse problems out there, but I just want my baby home with me. I dont want to be in the nursery watching him in a box. I dont want to be the bad mom thats NOT there watching him in his box. I can't win........

ETA this picture.....tanning in his tanning bed

Another fear of parent hood....

Today I watched a video about children sleeping through fire alarms.

I thought to myself about the few times it has accidently gone off and how I was relieved that it did not wake Izze. After watching the video I realize, silly me, I should not have been RELIEVED.

Amazing how children are able to sleep through the noise. Terrifying as well.

There is a new product coming to the market in the next few months, where you can record a message. It shows how children are more likely to wake up to hearing your voice then the beep of an alarm.

They show children being awakend to nice calm messages, such as "Suzy, please wake up, this is a fire alarm. Suzy this is your mother, get up please." And it shows the children gradually waking up and doing what they have been taught to do. You see responses from 6-20 seconds. As opposed to the previous tests with a beep where 3 minutes later they were still asleep.

I've decided that is something I may have to invest in. That said, my child knows her mother is not calm, ever. SO my message may not sound quite the same.....my message will be more along the lines of:

IZZE, THIS IS YOUR MOTHER SPEAKING, GET YOUR ARSE OUT OF THAT BED AND GET OUTSIDE. DID YOU HEAR ME?!?!? MOVE GIRL! GO GO GO! DO YOU WANT TO BURN INTO LITTLE PIECES LIKE THE JUNE BUGS WE FRY UP FOR FUN IN SUMMER, I DONT THINK SO. GET THE HECK OUT!!!!!!!

My mother thinks this will cause determental damage to my lovely girl. But I personally think she wouldnt expect otherwise of me her mother. And besides, I'd much rather have a mental nutcase of a daughter then no daughter at all......

Time to move

I am not much of a cleaner, that is Kev's job. But today as I start to feel a little better, the fear that it may all come back again is very much alive in my brain. So I spend the day disinfecting EVERYTHING we have touched. Multiple times. Light switches, phones, keyboards, toilet handles, faucets, toothbrushes, hand rails, door handles and much much more. But the fear is still there, what if I miss something?! What if we all get this AGAIN in the next few days! Could you imagine! Uggg. So instead of cleaning, I think I may just move. I'm gonna take the bear essentials, and make sure they were soaked in bleach first. Everything I take will now be white from the clorox. Then once I have all of my family out of the house, I will burn it. Straight to the ground. That way there will not be ANY germs left.