This time, I gave it a go. Never exclusively because, well, he was already used to formula so I didnt want to give it up and it was less pressure on me to "produce". Nice little pun.
I spent the first 6 weeks learning HOW, getting used to pumping a lot, talking about the soreness and chatting with Mir about how much we could pump at a time. I got a new appreciation for breast milk. It really is like gold! You work sooo hard for every little drop. The one and only time I was sooo tierd I washed it down the sink while cleaning the pump, I sobbed as if you had ran over my dog.
Its been almost 4 months. I've spent the last few weeks weighing the positives and negatives. Reasons to keep it up, NO PERIOD, Caden likes it, its much less stanky then formula, it doesnt stain, its easier to travel with (10 hours at room temp can go a long way).
Reasons to quit, my SAD is horrid, and my drug of choice is not to be used while breastfeeding. I feel like I'm always hooked to a pump (an hour or more a day pumping). It keeps me fat! It makes me eat like a horse. Its a lot of pressure. Did I mention the SAD?!
So this week one of the two pumps I was using broke. The quick one. My pumping time has now increased to almost an hour and a half or more a day. I take this as a sign. I wake up Friday morning and am NOT going to pump. I make it to that evening (the 24 hour mark) and have to take a hot shower and pump some. I then make it to Sunday night before having to take another hot shower. But at this point, in the shower, I'm rethinking.
This is possibly my last baby. This is my last chance. Am I sure?!? I get out and pump completely, 10 oz later, rethinking, is quitting right for me! But at this point does it matter?!? Can I really go back this late in the game? I'm soooo torn.
So I'm thinking to myself. The chances of regretting making it longer, are unlikely, but the chances of regretting quitting, are high. So I guess, i'll give it a chance, and see if at this point there is anything I can do about it anyways. But at least I wont have to wonder...........
Lets just hope those days get longer quick....cause I need something to bring me up ;-)
