Breastfeeding

When I had Izze, I NEVER felt the need. I tried it, so I could say I did, but that was that. 6 weeks later, I was done.

This time, I gave it a go. Never exclusively because, well, he was already used to formula so I didnt want to give it up and it was less pressure on me to "produce". Nice little pun.

I spent the first 6 weeks learning HOW, getting used to pumping a lot, talking about the soreness and chatting with Mir about how much we could pump at a time. I got a new appreciation for breast milk. It really is like gold! You work sooo hard for every little drop. The one and only time I was sooo tierd I washed it down the sink while cleaning the pump, I sobbed as if you had ran over my dog.

Its been almost 4 months. I've spent the last few weeks weighing the positives and negatives. Reasons to keep it up, NO PERIOD, Caden likes it, its much less stanky then formula, it doesnt stain, its easier to travel with (10 hours at room temp can go a long way).

Reasons to quit, my SAD is horrid, and my drug of choice is not to be used while breastfeeding. I feel like I'm always hooked to a pump (an hour or more a day pumping). It keeps me fat! It makes me eat like a horse. Its a lot of pressure. Did I mention the SAD?!

So this week one of the two pumps I was using broke. The quick one. My pumping time has now increased to almost an hour and a half or more a day. I take this as a sign. I wake up Friday morning and am NOT going to pump. I make it to that evening (the 24 hour mark) and have to take a hot shower and pump some. I then make it to Sunday night before having to take another hot shower. But at this point, in the shower, I'm rethinking.

This is possibly my last baby. This is my last chance. Am I sure?!? I get out and pump completely, 10 oz later, rethinking, is quitting right for me! But at this point does it matter?!? Can I really go back this late in the game? I'm soooo torn.

So I'm thinking to myself. The chances of regretting making it longer, are unlikely, but the chances of regretting quitting, are high. So I guess, i'll give it a chance, and see if at this point there is anything I can do about it anyways. But at least I wont have to wonder...........

Lets just hope those days get longer quick....cause I need something to bring me up ;-)

What is the world coming to....

You can be sued for just about anything. There is a story in the local news that just saddens me.

A young girl 21, died after drinking too much on her 21st birthday. The family is suing her friends (and the bartender). I find this just so hard to swallow. They have lost a friend, and they are suffering too. I am sure no where NEAR the extent of the family, whom I'm deeply sorry for, but still, suffering.

What does this case teach our children? To me, its saying she is not accountable for her own actions. And I understand while under the influence you can be pursuaded to do things you would not normally do. But in this case, that doesnt seem to be what happend. It seems to me a girl was turning 21 and wanted to go live it up. She was having way too much fun (as where her friends) and unfortuantely did not know when to stop. It ended tragically.

Now, had her friends forcered her to drink 21 straight "3 wise men"s I'd say, yes, they are partly to blame. But this girl, was young, and living life. Its sounds to me from the reports that she had been intoxicated to a high degree many times in her college life. Just as most of us where.

This could have happend to almost every single one of my friends in college at some point. Would I have felt guilty? Maybe. But should I be responsible for thier choice to drink? I dont see how that seems logical. I can take my friends keys, I can steal her wallet, I can hide the liquor, but can I STOP her from drinking if thats what she wants to do! The best thing I can do as a friend is get her home safely (as they did). Should I sit next to my friends bed every night she decides to go out drinking and keep vigil until she awakes safe and sound, that seems quite irrational.

I know there are many of a times, I should have stopped and didnt. I know that no matter what my friends said or did, it had to be MY choice. Only I would have been responsible had something as tragic as this had happend to me.

The most important thing I will tell Izze is that only SHE can be accountable for her choices. And god hopes she makes good ones. But if she doesnt, the only person other then her I feel should be to blame is me. Because I'm the one who taught her to make the choices in the first place.

Choices Galore

The week is over. YES! The weekend agenda: NOTHING. I might get movtivated and put up some Christmas lights, then again, I might not. I might scrapbook, but I might not. I might organize my chaos, but I might not. I might do laundry, I might not. I might clean the house, I m ight not. I might decide to start the exercise routine I've been thinking of, I might not. I might start eating healthy, I might not. I might make good choice, I might not. But the awesome thing is, I have choices! I can make them on my own. There is nothing I have to do, no place I have to be and best of all noone to make me do it! Opportunities a plenty, motivation a lacking, guilt abundantly nonexistant. And to that I say WOOOHOOOO ITS THE WEEKEND!