Kevs Kryptonite

Kevin is BEYOND ticklish under his arms.
Its to the point we can almost make a grown man cry.
This delights Izze and I to no end.We will spend countless minutes tickling dad and giggling like a bunch of fools; to the point that he almost gets mad. That just makes us laugh harder.
The best part of the whole ordeal is that when Izze laughs.........Izze farts!
So it becomes like a torture chamber full of gas and tickles.
Being a frequent farter myself, I am immune to most and just laugh harder.
Poor Kev. The abuse he endures from his girls.
Oh the simple joys of life!

At least he is honest....

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Ive ben a gud boy
all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa



Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa



Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa



Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the sharts and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words,
Jim Beam.
Santa



Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China . Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.
Long Dong Claus




Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa




Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shart may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa



Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Halloween Funny!

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?'



The drunk, still staring down replied: 'I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.'

"F$%&ing Shoes"

I love the days of taking care of your children. When they can't get by without you. You feel so needed. And don't you find kids can be so funny when they want to? They repeat things a lot and act goofy. They tend to fall down or drop things. They can't find something so "mom" has to do it. Sure, kids drool, they sometimes spit up, and they sometimes can't get thier shoes off, but hey...they are kids! They can't be perfect. My favorite is when the kids do something they feel guilty about so they blame the other kids. "Its Bobby's Fault" "Bobby made me". As if peer pressure explains away everything. The best is when the swear, and you probably shouldn't laugh, but when it comes out so quickly, its hard not to fight back the shock and surprise, so you laugh. But you don't let them see you laughing either because you don't want to let them think its okay, or in my case, because you don't want them to think your laughing AT them. But, they are kids, so we forgive them and we love them and sometimes even laugh at them.

I love my kids. My two big dorky old kids, who stumbled in from thier cabs at 1:30 in the morning last night, falling down trying to take of shoes, swearing about this and that, blaming each other for thier current state, and needing to be taken care of. My kids: Dad and Kevin. Don't you just wish you had my kids!

A post that speaks for itself....