The light of the Lord

Alright, so if you know me, you know that I DO believe in God. I was raised Catholic. I don't follow EVERY view of the church (I am not against gay marriage, I dont believe that you need to be at church on sunday for your faith to be strong, and a few others). But I believe, and 99% of the beliefs were given to me from the Catholic Church, which I call my "home"

Well, I have to share this........
Last night I went to mass for Chloe (my sister) with Theresa (my step mom), cause I'm her sponsor for confirmation.

Well last night, at the end of the mass, they gave the Canada and sponsors and parents a chance to come up and "fall into the light of God." Chloe said they did this earlier and it was amazing, and she was now "in love with Jesus".......for my sister thats huge!

So I went up to the alter with Chloe, and watched as numbers of HS students were blessed and moved to tears. Some would pass out, some would just cry, some were just enjoyed after receiving their blessings. I'm sure SOME of them were in it for God, but the pessimist in mefelt a lot were just into the drama of watching people fall to the ground while others pray over them. That said, my retreats growing up always moved me, and my sister was really into it, so my step mom and I decided to give it a go.

I stood at the alter praying as he worked down the line next to me........I had a serious conversation in my head with God.....telling him how I feel and that he knew my heart, and he knows my personal views and that I'm not willing to conform and I'm sorry if thats a sin, but its who I am....I told him that I would give myself to him THAT way and if he wanted to take me as I am and accept and love me as I am, then I'd be happy to have him in my life and give it to him.

So I'm doing this and the archbishop ends up next to my step mom and I can hear it, but I'm deep in concentration talking to God about my odd views and nonconformity, and I notice her feet as she falls. (She is probably more a pessimist then I and even MORE nonconforming). Next thing I know, the ArchBishop asks my name and what I'm there for....I answered "To give myself to Jesus as I am"....his hand goes to my head, and he starts praying and I'm praying in my head and can hardly understand him, and I hear people praying around me....I hear him say the name Jesus QUITE a few times, and my knees are weak, and I'm fighting it, cause I feel like I'm gonna fall, and I can feel myself rocking, and hands on shoulders and backs and such to help me stand and then he says something and lets go, and my body just FALLS......I never felt them lower me (though I know they did) and I'm laying on the floor and I can feel this huge ENERGY...but I cant open my eyes, I can see the light through my eyelids, but they flutter and won't open, and I'm totally aware (so different from the one time i fainted--that was a black out).....It feels like maybe 15 seconds of trying to open (though it was longer) and I'm able to open my eyes......I start to sit up but I can't stop the tears. And Chloe is there hugging me. I couldn't stop shaking as I left........

It was seriously the most amazing thing ever.......such a peace.

I'm just.....amazed.