Day 14- A hero that has let you down (write a letter)---Really, I dont let someone I dont know affect me this much. I guess maybe Tiger Woods or Kirby Pucket are a bit disappointing, but honestly its their life. They can do with it as they will.
Day 15- Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without -- I haven't tried. I dont plan to. My tickles. On the rare occasion I dont have them to sleep, I dont sleep well if at all. So i will not attempt it! LOL
Day 16- Something or someone you could definitely live without -- Beer. Lutafisk. Cigarettes. Snow. Negative Temperatures. Fat. Exercise. Mondays. Obnoxious politically opinionated people on facebook. Ignorance.
Day 17- A book you've read that changed your views on something -- The Shack. It didnt' change my views, but solidified them. Conversations with God. Same thing. Amazing. Great book. Made sooo much sense.
Day 18- Your views on gay marriage -- To each his own. I feel everyone in this country should have the same exact rights. If a church doesn't want to allow them; that is their right. But the law; the law is meant to be fair, just and equal. Not allowing marriage between two people is taking rights away from them; and that is a step back in time. Take rights away from prisoners. But every day law abiding citizens who pay their taxes and live harmless lives should be allowed to make their own choices and love whomever they wish. It does not take away the sanctity of MY marriage because they are allowed their own.
A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times
I can't think of just one band that has done this for me. In general music is very theraputic. Different songs for different reasons. If I had to choose one; I'd say Taylor Swift. Her songs can take me back to a moment in time at the drop of a hat. Every song SPEAKS. She has a way of making everyone feel understood and her lyrics are so real and relatable. When I have a bad day now; she is who I turn to.
Years ago; when things got hard, it would usually be just one song that would do it. Never a group that really stood out to me.
This challenge is starting to bore me. LOL I'm sorry for that. Its probably boring you too! I was gonna scrap it; but there are some up coming ones that I like. So for now; I'll keep truckin.
Something you never get compliments on
Well pretty much everything? LOL. Isn't the answer to this pretty much EVERYTHING I didn't say in the previous post. DUR.
Something people compliment you on often
Is it bad that I can't think of much. About myself anyways? Maybe its my low self esteem. I'm not sure. But the thing that came to mind was my children. How cute they are. How well behaved Izze is. How smart she is. I guess I can take the credit for half of her looks, and most of her behavior, her brains are partially me and partially her dad. Caden gets he's cute a lot, noone compliments his behavior. LOL. Hmmm.
Other then my children; I really can't think of anything else I get compliments on. I need to work on this I guess
Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know
These negative ones throw me. I can't think of anyone who's bad in my life. I tend to keep those people out. I have trouble letting go; but not of people who are bad or negative, just of people I miss or can't forget. Sometimes those people infiltrate my head. But even them; I'm not haning on to or unhealthy about. So this again is another boring topic for me.
Someone you didn't want to let go but drifted from
My best friend in college.Though we still text on random occasions: to trash talk football, to update on big events, and just to say hey.
But its not the same.
He was a friend I could say anything to. He gave me courage to believe in myself and helped me realize what I was worth. He turned my life onto the path that led me where I am now. I will forever be grateful for our friendship. His friendship was the most honest and true I've ever had. My relationship with my husband started as just that, a relationship and then led to friendship, and while he is my best friend, its a different kind of friendship then one that starts totally platonic. And I think life has room for all kinds.
Being that this friend was a guy; it was a tricky line to walk when he or I were in a relationship; and unfortunately a significant other got between us and put a rift that never quite went away. By the time we both understood what happened it was too late, and we were moving (figuratively and literally) in totally different directions. I miss the simplicity of the friendship. Though I do know at the end of the day; if I really needed him; all I would have to do is call. I still hate the distance that grew.
Someone who has made your life a living hell or treated you badly
This is such a negative one. In all honesty, I try not to let someone else make my life hell. I find myself thinking of Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
So for the fun of it. I will say THIS man.
He is the bain of my existence. He annoyed me greatly in green. He annoyed me that much more in purple. I was always torn, I LOVE to see him sacked, and all of a sudden I was cheering for my own QB to get sacked. Thats depressing. At the end of the day, he did nothing for my team. Some may argue we had an awesome year his first year with us. But really, what did he do, except let us fall short. He got hopes up, he made believers out of skeptics and then he let us down. Ending the season with another of his infamous interceptions.
I thank you Lord for convincing him to finally retire.
Amen
Someone who has made your life worth living
I've always felt my life was worth living. I do feel since having children its even MORE important for me to live my life in a productive and healthy way. But I wouldn't say they made it.
The person that really did this is my mom. My mom is my favorite person on this planet. Hands down. Kevin knows this, my kids know this (and agree) and even my dogs know this (and agree). My mom is one of the most amazing strong women I know. She makes me proud to be a woman. She's independent and loyal and loving and fun and strong and stubborn and a fighter and everything I hope my daughter becomes some day. My mom believes EVERYTHING is possible and can probably make it happen for you. Her glass is always half full.
As a teenage girl; I had the occasional fights with my mom; who doest. But I never went through the "i hate my mom" or "i'm embarrassed of my mom" stages. I've always been proud of my mom. I've always wanted to be with my mom. If it weren't for my mom; I'd live in some warm destination, where I'd surely miss my family and visit them a lot BUT I'd do it. But I can't go that far from her. Even Duluth was too far for college, I would have loved to go to St. Scholastica, but at the end of the day it was too far from mom.
My mom rocks. She makes my life worth living every day since she gave me life! Thank you mommy!
Something I hope to never have to do
This is an easy one for me. It popped right in my head. I hope to never have to bury one of my children. I think this would be the number one fear of any parent. I know that my friend who I stole this idea from (of 30 days) also posted this. But even having not saw that; this is something I fear often. It would be the worst thing in the world. It goes against nature. It tests your faith and strength in ways I can't even begin to imagine. I don't care how old I am, how natural it seems to someone else at the time, its NOT. I do not ever want to have to do this. My heart breaks for all those who have had to do this; its something you really truely do not wish on your worst enemy.
Something you hope to do in your life.
Well I have a big ole' bucket list. Its not the one that is posted here either, that was a generic one. *I hope to go to Fiji or Tahiti and stay in a bungalow for like 2 weeks* I hope to swim with the dolphins (again)*I hope to see my childrens childrens children get married and live happy lives*I hope to teach full time in 3rd or 4th grade or special education*I hope to live a comfortable enough lifestyle that I can help those who need it whenever the opportunity arrises*I hope to see a day when every human being on earth has the same rights as I do*I hope to see a woman president*I hope that woman president is my daughter*I hope to see the world
Something you have to forgive someone for
I can definitely hold a grudge. I do it well. I know forgiveness is important, though I do have trouble believing EVERYTHING is forgivable. Plenty of people have hurt me, but most of those people are not part of my life anymore. If they are, they are a smaller part and I have let go and forgiven their indiscretions.
I'm searching my mind on this, and I'm honestly having trouble. In the process I thought of one thing to add to yesterdays (forgive myself for). And thats Monet. And the way she died. But I've already posted about that; so I'm not going back to it again.
So for now, I'm going to think on this.....if there is someone I need to forgive, then I'm not aware of it at the moment. And once I become aware, I will come share with you!
*****God obviously felt that he should help me with this. As I sat at the vet clinic waiting my turn; this tall woman walks out with a cat. And she walks like she has a stick up her bum (also similar to if you'd been riding horse for days). I think to myself...oh that reminds me of P@$$#. And instantly I'm filled with negative feelings, and I look again...sure as heck it IS P@$$#. Who of course I pretend not to recognize and get busy with my children and dog.
As I sit there, I think I really just don't like this girl. At all. At one point we were friends. Or so I thought. But then; she did the worst thing any HS girl can do. She slept with my boyfriend, whom I had been dating for 10 months. Why? I'm not sure. She always liked to be prettier then everyone, she liked to be popular, and she didn't have many female friends. Well no wonder if thats how she treated them. Now in most cases of infidelity I say you blame your significant other. Which I did. I still do. We broke up, though he groveled away. Eventually we did become friends again, but never the same. Usually I'd say they are the only one who has to answer to you. But when the case of the OTHER PARTY is a friend, well in that case they should be to blame too. What kind of friend does that to a person. I forgave him, but never her. Today I still am annoyed by the fact that she did that to me. I guess I'll never understand it. But at the end of the day; I should be thankful, because it led me to where I am today. So while I'll never be friends with P@$$# again, nor will I be a fan of her, right now I'm forgiving her. Obviously she needed him more then I did at that point, and I hope it led her to a better place as well.
Something you have to forgive yourself for.
This brings me back to the long list of things I hate about myself. I can certainly hold a grudge, but usually I don't hold them against myself. I'm torn here between two things I need to forgive myself for.
The first one may seem petty to some; but I'm seriously disappointed in myself. I reached my goal weight and instead of practicing self control, ate peanut butter eggs until I put half of it back on. How sad is that; 15lbs of peanut butter eggs. Disgusting! Its a lot harder the second time to get it back off. Its hard to get back into habits and every time I get dressed in the morning I'm reminded of how annoyed I am at myself that my cute size 6 clothes don't fit, that my 8's are too tight and I am now wearing a 10. Frustrating.
The second thing, is heavier on my heart. Its part of my whole separation anxiety with Caden. I think back to when he was born; and how easily I was persuaded to stay in Faribault to recover from my section when they took him to Childrens. Why, because I love my doctor but MOSTLY because, I'm cheap, and I couldn't stop thinking of how much extra it would cost for me to take an ambulance up to the cities. There were a few other reasons I let them convince me and they turned out to be invalid concerns. But money was the biggest. Hindsight is 20/20 because his helicopter trip and hospital stay were enough to use up our max spending, so mine wouldn't have made a difference. So instead I spent 48 hours without him. Then when I got there; because I was recovering from a c-section; I choose to go home at the end of the night and sleep in my bed instead of on that horrendous brick couch. Looking back; they surely would have sent him home a day earlier if I had just stayed, or fought for him in some way, but because I didn't they probably though I was a shitty ass mother. And honestly; now I feel like one. Did I mention how the first two days he was there, he didn't have a first name. I'm sure that made them think he was even less loved. It wasn't the case, but I know how it looks. Your probably thinking that I'm worrying what others think again; and no I really could give a shit less what they thought of me; all I care is that they didn't let me take my baby boy home even once he was well, they wanted to watch me with him another full 24 hours. Its my biggest regret, not that he had to stay, just that I didn't fight to be with him that week.
Something I love about myself.
I told you this would be harder. I love a lot of things about my life (my job, my family, my friends), but about myself, thats difficult. I wish I could say I love my body. I'm working on that, even when I got to where I wanted it, I didn't quite master that before I let it go.
I think that I'm a generous person. I get that from my mom. I can't be as generous as her, because well I'm a little bit more poor. But I try to follow her lead. I try to help friends when they are in true need, I try to do nice things for people for no reason and I try to share what I have when I can.
Now sometimes this isn't noticed by others (and thats okay because thats not the point) and sometimes people might think quite the opposite. For example; my AWESOME group of friends is also very generous and likes to celebrate all of our new babies, we have a few girls who make quilts and other gifts and we are often asked to contribute to these. Often I am not able to participate, mostly because its a bad time. So I often wonder if these people think I'm being cheap (as I'm known to be). {do you notice something here? I'm worrying about what others think again...see day 1} But thats not the case, to me these gifts are nice; but they are just that a gift, and they are something that happens with or without my help. And I help when I can. So to them this may not seem like a trait of mine. But its there, I promise. It just happens when people aren't looking; when people DONT expect it; and when its something that truely makes my heart smile. Because those are the times that make it worth it.
Something you hate about yourself.
Wow, so glad they started off on a positive note. I love that in a world where we work so hard to create self esteems of young girls and encourage self love, these kinds of things still fall to the negative first; my guess is that people can think of this one easily; or if they have trouble with it; its choosing between the many things. Where as day 2 will be a little more difficult.
But to the point; something I hate about myself.
I'm going with the first thing that comes into my mine. I hate how much I care about other peoples opinions. I hate that I worry if OTHERS think I look fat, I hate that I wonder if OTHERS think I have a stupid voice; and I worry that I wonder about OTHERS opinions when I try to make a decision that won't affect them.
I'm a people pleaser. I always have been; I probably always will be. When I was young I had to see a therapist for this. She found that my night terrors and anxiety all stemmed back to this fact. I had two homes and four parents who all expected very different things from me; and all I wanted to do was keep EVERYONE happy. So much so that I didn't know who I should be. I cared too much what OTHERS thought. I know this trait can be good; to an extent. But I take it over and beyond. I've gotten better at it. At least externally. Some may think I'm a "selfish" or a "me orientated" person. I put that show on; but at the end of the day I really am just worried about what everyone else thinks.
I dont know how to change that completely. I can keep it internal but I don't know how to extinguish it completely. If someone told me to; well I'd probably pretend I did just to keep them happy....because thats what I do :-)
I found this on a friends site and think it seems fun. I will aim at every day though we all know LIFE happens; so every day may become every other day on occasion and you will just deal with it. Like right now; my plan is to start, but in a few minutes my friends will be arriving; so wether it gets posted tonight or tomorrow; we will just have to find out.
Day 1- Something you hate about yourself
Day 2- Something you love about yourself
Day 3- Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 4- Something you have to forgive someone for
Day 5- Something you hope to do in your life
Day 6- Something you hope to never have to do
Day 7- Someone who has made your life worth living
Day 8- Someone who has made your life a living hell or treated you badly
Day 9- Someone you didn't want to let go but drifted from
Day 10- Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know
Day 11- Something people seem to compliment you on the most
Day 12- Something you never get compliments on
Day 13- A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days (write a letter)
Day 14- A hero that has let you down (write a letter)
Day 15- Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without
Day 16- Something or someone you could definitely live without
Day 17- A book you've read that changed your views on something
Day 18- Your views on gay marriage
Day 19- What do you think of religion or what do you think of politics?
Day 20- Your views on drugs and alcohol
Day 21- (senerio) Your best friend got into a car accident and you got into an argument just an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22- Something you wish you hadn't done in your life
Day 23- Something you wish you had done in your life
Day 24- Make a playlist to someone and explain why you chose the titles. (post the titles, artist and letter to that person)
Day 25- The reason you believe you are still alive today
Day 26- Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, why? When?
Day 27- The best thing going for you right now
Day 28- What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29- Something you hope to change about yourself and why
Day 30- A letter to yourself. Tell yourself everything you love about you!
