My Wee Man is a HANDFUL

Remembering back, I can't really remember meeting Caden. I saw him and touched his cheek but didnt really even get a good look at him. When the time came to leave recovery I was excited to hold him, it didnt occur to me it was taking longer then it should. And then out of left field his doctor comes in to inform me he will be going to Children's Hospital in St. Paul. Talk about catching me a little off guard!!!! I didnt like that surprise one bit.

Today, at his 4 month appointment I was caught off guard again. I knew he had a "dimple" which can be a marker for Spinal Bifida, but I did NOT know it was an open dimple or that they considered him to HAVE it. I guess in my research back when Izze was born, I found out that 24% of the population has some form of spinal defect but becasue it does not affect them, its not a problem.

Then I realize that the bump we have been worried about on his back is TIED to this. It could possibly be "spinal fluid" leaking and causing swelling. But since he moves his legs, we should not worry. Since his nerves are not exposed, there isnt a problem.

As a mother, THAT is hard to hear.

And I did the worst thing you can do. I googled it:

Spina bifida manifesta is the rare form of this birth defect. It can be separated into two classes, meningocele and myelomeningocele.
In meningocele, fluid leaks out of the spinal canal, causing a swollen area over the baby's spine. In many cases, meningocele causes no symptoms.

What causes spina bifida?
Doctors do not know the exact cause of spina bifida but believe that both genetic and environmental factors are involved. Women who have had one child with spina bifida are more likely to have another child with spina bifida. Other factors that may increase the risk for having a baby with spina bifida include:

• Having folic acid deficiency
• Taking certain medicines, such as some used to treat epilepsy or acne.
• Excessive use of alcohol.
• Exposure to certain chemicals.
• Exposure to high temperatures.
• Having diabetes
• Being obese.

All of those things while pregnant. Can you say GUILT. I was horrible at pre-natals (folic acid), the alcohol--other during conception wasnt an issue, high temperatures--tanning about 3 times a week for the first 8 weeks of pregnancy?, obese--well, technically I wasnt anymore. But still....the GUILT is eating me